The Seven Dwarfs Gone Bad

May 6, 2014

While Snow White has been out looking for her Prince, her seven companions had other thoughts on their minds.  Being Miners, as the story goes, these happy fellows are happy no longer. These days with the influx of fake jewels like Cubic Zarconia, Chocolate Diamonds, Hematite, Oil Pearls and Swiss Lapis,the market no longer needs real Diamonds, Rubies or Opals.

These guys are out of work.

Broke.

Desperate.

These guys have a plan...

 Dopey - aka Brilliant Bill

 Grumpy aka Mo Rose

 Bashful aka Skullcap Stu

Sneezy aka Vic Vicodin

 Doc aka Luna Tick

Happy aka Angry Twerp

Sleepy aka Coma Toast

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Brilliant Bill (Dopey) hatched a plan for the gang to rob a few banks in the town of Lets Get Real and live happily ever after. I'm quite sure all his pistons were misfiring with this idea.

Brilliant Bill chose two banks a few blocks from each other which Coma Toast (Sleepy) cased  a few days prior. Luna Tick (Doc) created the Identity Shield Masks.Hidden talents among the meds I see.  Angry Twerp (Happy) volunteered to hot wire a getaway car or two.

Skullcap Stu (Bashful), Ma Rose (Grumpy) and Vic Vicodin (Sneezy) worked out the getaway route, opened a dummy bank account in  Yew Stoopid, Idahoe and cancelled cable.
Leaving all their belongings behind jotting a quick note to Snow not to wait up (ever) for them, they put their plan into action. Hell in a Handbag was waiting for them outside the front door.

    

Brilliant Bill is driving without a license, resorts to hand signals since Angry Twerp chose a car with no blinkers.  Brilliant Bill didn't mind. The car was a classic Golden Oldie.

First stop - a big score. Do I hear the theme of Shaft in the background? Yes, that's Mo Rose twerkin' and workin' hard for the money.

 Luna Tick directs Brilliant Bill to the next location.

                                                     

                                                Vic Vicodin vocalizes vulgarities.

"Three minutes in the Bank of Pork-Land and we're home free!" exclaims Angry Twerp.

                       Angry Twerp went back for the last of the cash when sirens 

                                   were starting to wail in the distance. 

                                                                     Crap.

       

                                                 Busted by The Clown Police.

                                                                   No joke.

                                                               The Line Up

Walking the Mile

                                                 The Big House to await the verdict.

There was more room in their tiny house, where they really should have thought of a better plan. Now there will be plenty of time to reflect.

Brilliant Bill is singing "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen", while the rest of the gang is belting out "Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash.

                                              

Angry Twerp leads the band of unhappy characters in prayer. They heard from the guard there will be no trial.  No bail. No hope. But they will be offered two choices. Plead guilty and serve the remainder of their lives in The Big House, outside in 100* heat. Vic Vicodin starts whining about how his perm is going to be raggedy in the heat and he'd never know the outcome of this season of RuPaul's Drag Race. Option Two being an inkling better than the first.  Have their hair pulled out from the roots with a pair of pliers. That didn't sound so bad.   


So our Seven Dwarfs opted to be bald. Their hair would grow back in a matter of weeks. 

                                                                   What they didn't know was
                                                                  duh - duh - duh..                                                       Their brains were located in their cute little booties and
                                                         their heads were hollow - hollow - hollow.


                                                                         Days became weeks.
                                                                       Weeks became months.
                                                             Snow is still searching for her Prince.

There's a constant tickle where their hair used to be and for the cost of a good hairbrush they couldn't figure out why they all had such a hankering for potash and nitrogen.

         Succulents.

They had become hosts to Succulents.

 A thousand times better than being in the heat for the rest of their lives I would say.

Skullcap Stu spoke these words, breaking his vow of silence:

Suck it up Baby

Prison Zombies we could have been maybe.

Wood we once were, and rubber, that too

We'll outlast any vinyl house straight down to the root.

Be glad we are together

to spend our lives as an ex-con

Though one thing bothers me through it all,

Did we leave the coffee pot on?